The Better Part or The Worse Part

When my children were young I worked a retail job.  I was with the public all of the time.  When I didn't have a customer in front of me, I had a co-worker in front of me.  I was nice, I was happy, I was helpful and chipper.  I was a great person to be around.  Just ask anyone I worked with.  I was Associate of the Month one month.  I received the privilege of parking the the very front parking spot for the whole month.  Next thing I new, I was Associate of the Year.  Oh yeah!  That's right!  You know it! A front row parking spot for the ENTIRE YEAR!

Yes!  That person was me.

At least while I was at work.

When I came home, I was tired both physically and mentally.  I had been "on" all day.  I had answered every dumb question in the book, had listened to customers and co-workers complain, had kept a smile plastered on my face and a spring in my step and I didn't have the energy to do it at home too.  I wanted to, I just didn't have it in me.

Now don't get me wrong.  It isn't like I was an ogre at home.  I was still loving to those I loved, I still was the best I could be.  But my point is...I wasn't giving them the "better part", they were getting what was left over.  This was not right of me.  It was dead wrong.  I came to this realization many years ago.  I have repented, learned and moved on.

EXCEPT!

On my way to work one day this week I was having a conversation with my Father in Heaven.  He sure does know how to take the conversations in the direction He wants to go.  Perhaps He does this when He knows I am listening.  He has been working on me in the areas of being a Godly wife in many, many different ways.  I know that they all lead to the same place, but He is really approaching my role as a woman and wife from so many different directions, most days I have to stop and wonder why I have never thought of any of these things before.  I have been married for more of my life than I have not been married; you would think I would have a handle on some of this by now.

Our discussion this particular day went something like this.  Holy Spirit, "you understand how I have been teaching you to dress more like a woman, to cover your hair as my Word says to and also as a gift to your husband?"  (1 Corinthians 11:15 "But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her")  I agreed: I do recognize what He has been showing me.

He has been showing me that I should desire to keep the most precious parts of me strictly for God Himself and my husband.  My hair is my glory...a special part.  But I will save this topic for another post.  I digress...

I acknowledged what the Holy Spirit was saying to me and He then moved on.  He said, "you know, your husband deserves the best of you too."  And then He began to give me examples of how I give others "the better" and my husband gets "the worse".

1.  I spend time doing my hair in the morning to go to work or church so that I look appropriate for "other people."  Then I come home and my hair goes up in a knotted bun or doesn't even get brushed.  (of course this has recently changed)

2. I dress appropriately taking time each night or day to figure out what I will wear to look acceptable to "other people."  Then I get home and change into sweatpants, oversize shirt, mismatched socks, etc.  (Please Tell Me This Sounds Familiar!)  What a beautiful look for my husband.  NOT!!

3. I put perfume on in the morning so that at least I can start the day off smelling good.  Then when I get home, maybe I still smell good or maybe not.  But I certainly don't "freshen up" just for my husband.  

Yes! This is the kind of conversation that my Father in Heaven likes to have with me.  Pretty straight forward.  Pretty clear.  Even a simple girl like myself can understand it.  

Things are changing in me.  In turn they will be changing for my husband.  He will indeed have "the better" part of me.  And in turn, I will know that I am being obedient to the Lord and more loving towards my husband.  And I will receive peace knowing that I have listened and acted, not out of obligation, but out of an obedient heart.  

-In Love, Staci

More Than Meets The Eye

"Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light." - Helen Keller

I have been learning a lot about myself lately.  Learning to trust Him more, learning to seek Him in a different way, learning to have faith in a different way.  

I have considered myself to have faith in Him for a long time now.  I do trust in Him and His ways, I do desire His will for my life and I do know that what ever He has planned for me is way better than what ever I could ever imagine.  (His word says so.) 

Recently, I have been spending more time in His word, looking with a different set of eyes.  I can tell you that I have changed, but it is not because I desired to change.  (I'm actually pretty happy just being me)  The change has come only because I want to be obedient to Him.  Through my heart of obedience, I have given Him permission and free reign to shape me as He desires.  

As I continue to meditate on His word, my reaction and the changes that are taking place in me for Him,  He showed me that my reactions to His words are an act of faith.  For much of what I am seeing in His words, I don't fully understand.  I can read the word, I can see the words, I can understand the grammar;   and yes, I understand what the words say.  But I don't understand the depth yet in it's fullness.  

He is showing me how I am simply acknowledging His word as truth.  All of it! That I am not just reading the words in His word and letting my brain skip right over them as if they don't apply.  But that what He is showing me in His word, I am taking to heart and simply doing what it says.  Even the things that go against everything I know.  The things that people are going to question me on and the things that people are going to want to debate.  He has assured me through His word, through the Holy Spirit and through the confirmation of a sister in Christ who walked up to me, hugged me and simply said, "Stay strong", that His strength is what I will need to walk in faith and His strength has been graciously given to me.  

I am thankful for a Father that is showing me how my obedience to Him is not only growing my relationship with Him, but my relationship with my husband as well.  My obedience is changing the way I look at myself and the way I conduct myself.  He is showing me how His strength is what I need to rely on not my own.  I am thankful to be gently in His hands each and every day.  And I am thankful for the freedom in my heart to walk in faith.

_-In Love, Staci 

The Wrapper Was Pleasing To The Eye. But Inside...Inside Is Just Beautiful!

"It's whats on the inside that counts."  How many times have we heard this?  How many times have we said this to someone?  I've said it.  I've heard it. How cliche.

Well, it was cliche in my mind until my mind was renewed.

1 Peter 3:3  "Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

He really is working on me!  He is showing me "how" I can be more beautiful than ever without trying.  You see...I don't need to try.  I just need to do what He has asked of me in His word.  It is pretty straight forward really.  The challenge is to decide that you (I) really want to do what He asks.  Even when it goes against everyone you see and everything you know.  Ouch! 

He recently spoke to me about the way I dress.  Which by most peoples standards was probably just fine.  Not provocative or anything of the like.  But as He showed me through His eyes and His word, I began to see just how subtle satan is in women and the views that we accept. 

"You have sold out your daughters."  (A statement to me from the Holy Spirit)  

I believe this was a blanket statement for the generations not specifically about my daughters.  However,  myself, my daughters and many women around me are included in this.  His further explanation.  

"It had become acceptable for you to put on a pair of jeans, turn around and look in the mirror to see how your back side looked.  Who were you doing this for?"  "How exactly does this glorify My kingdom?"

"You (as in the generations) have taken your young girls shopping for padded push up bras, skirts that show too much, clothes that leave nothing to the imagination. Why? How does this glorify My kingdom?"  

"You have decided that when your daughters wear something that you instantly find to short, too revealing, to tight;  that it is not worth a fight to tell them to change their clothes."  "Are they not worth the fight?" 

What have we done?  My heart aches.  

As I continue to seek Him in prayer, meditate on His spoken and dig into His Word, He is removing the scales that have been on my eyes.  He is showing me how much of a gift we as women are to our husbands and our husbands to be.  We have a precious internal gift that is only intended for our husbands.  Our "femininity"...all of it! 

1 Corinthians 7:3 "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does."

I understand that this statement alone may wrinkle some feathers.  But I also understand that this is my revelation for me.  (I hope you all understand that too!) 

When I look at this scripture what I now see is this:   My body is for my husband. Thankfully, my husband would not give my body to another.  So why would I be willing to put myself in a wrapper that is pleasing and enticing to anyone else? Because, lets face it...unless I walk around backwards looking in a mirror, the fact that my rear end looks good isn't to please me is it?  Yikes! 

I am thankful that my Father in Heaven loves me so much that He is showing me how to be the beautiful gift He created.  I'm thankful that He has revealed this to me in a way that I can understand and in a time that I am willing to chose His ways.

We as women are all beautiful gifts. Truly, "it is what's on the inside that counts." 

In Love, Staci 

The Day He Emptied My Heart and I Emptied My Closet.

-He spoke to me in the loudest voice.  Not in volume, but in volumes. Not in harshness, but with correction.  Not in a crushing way, but in a way that has broken my heart.-

I am always looking for a conversation with my Father in Heaven.  Always looking for direction in the way my family should go;  the way I should go. I love to hear Him speak to me.  I love it when He gives me little glimpses into others lives and into my own life.  

This conversation was not one that I was looking for.  Not one that I expected, desired, dreamed of or ever even considered. 

What He said to me was this, " I want you to get rid of all your clothes."  I am pretty sure I wrinkled my forehead, raised my eyebrows and tilted my head to the side.  Then said, "what?"  Like, "are you crazy?" or "Am I crazy?"  That kind of what.

Instantly He began speaking to me. Reason after reason, scripture after scripture, memory after memory and example after example of why exactly He wanted me to get rid of my clothes.  All of these things flooded my mind in a way that I can't describe,  other than to say that all of it was like an overwhelming wave of conversation from my Father.  -An all consuming tidal wave-.  There was no denying it, no way to confuse it with anything else.  Just His words, His reasons and His request of me.

I must honor His request.

1 Peter 3:3-4 "3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

In the moments of being overwhelmed, I did question my sanity.  I reached out in admiration to a friend. Not asking her what she thought, but rather encouraging her in her example she has been leading for women that witness her life.  I did not tell her why she was receiving this encouragement from me, however, she knew!  Her spirit was in tune with what the Holy Spirit was revealing to me.  This was affirmation that indeed I was not crazy; as crazy as it all seemed.  She sent me back a quick note stating that she recognized what was going on with me and encouraged me to share with her if I felt comfortable.  (I have to tell you, I have never even met this beautiful woman in person, but yet the Lord has used her and others to help prepare me for this time.)

He showed me by memory women that I have admired and respected by the way they dress and teach their daughters to dress.  Women who do not sway in the standards that God has placed on their hearts or their husbands.  He brought to memory the times that I have been grieved as I noticed female leaders in the church in skin tight clothing and revealing clothing.  He showed me how my heart is heavy when I see young women of Christian homes wearing skin tight shirts, with cleavage showing, or undergarment straps showing, skirts that are far too short.  He showed me how even though I didn't realize it at the moment, He was preparing me for this time.  My heart was being emptied.  He showed me so much more and continues to show me as I move forward.

He has shown me my sin and my errors in raising my own daughters and dressing myself.

I have repented, I have changed.  I have honored His request.  I have changed my wardrobe to include skirts and dresses.  MODEST skirts and dresses.  Clingy shirts are gone. Tight sweaters are gone.  Jeans are GONE!

1 Timothy 2:9-10 "in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works." 

I don't expect most to understand.  I don't share this in any type of condemnation or judgement.  I only share this as an amazing testimony of what the Lord is doing in my heart and to encourage others that if He has spoken to you in this way, that you are not crazy.  You are His beautiful daughter that is to be looked upon and admired based on the beauty of your heart and the strength that He has given you to stand in your place as the woman that He created you to be.

To be continued...

-In Love, Staci