His Gift To Me

As I stood in the rain, in the early morning hours before anyone had risen, I was reminded that it was the day we celebrated His birth.

As I dropped to my knees on the muddy ground, in sincerest humility, with a broken and contrite spirit, I was reminded that He loves us in that moment.

As I cried out to Him,  deep guttural cries that were from the deepest parts of my soul. I was reminded of how He knows my heart.  He knows my true heart.

As I stood with my head buried in my husbands chest, the two of us spending a tender moment before the Lord, I was reminded of where my safety lies, with whom I should trust all my heart and with whom I should find need to please.

As I spent time with my family on Christmas day, I was reminded of how much I love them all.  Not just the good parts, but all of them.

His day, Christmas day, the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ was far from a normal Christmas.  It was far from the joyous day that I had in my mind that it should have been.  Parts were beautiful, parts where joyous, parts where loving.  But parts were spent examining a broken heart.  Parts were spent wondering why I had returned to a place  that I have been before.  Why am I here again Lord?  What have a missed? Why have a let the words of another, who doesn't know my heart, who doesn't know my motives, and who doesn't have any idea what the Lord has been doing in me lately have the power to injure my heart like this?

I suspect I am not the only one who has ever been here.  Maybe not on Christmas day.  But some other day...maybe more than once.

I am thankful that today has been a new day.  I am thankful that today He has given me answers to some of my questions.  He is still working in me and boy does He have His hands full.  But I trust that He won't give up. He has given me peace.

He has given me two words to meditate on; "for Him."  (I suspect they will help heal my heart in some way, because He is so good like that)

>When it lines up with His order, I must submit to others even if I believe with all my heart that they are wrong..."for Him."

>I must love others, not in a worldly way, but in a way that protects my heart and still loves them, all of them..."for Him."

>I must continue using the gifts He has given me even when the flesh disagrees..."for Him."

The sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ was and is the best gift that I will ever receive.  It was the ultimate sacrifice.  He died so that I may live.

He is showing me, that my sacrifice comes in the form of living "for Him." It is a sacrifice, because the flesh, our human nature, so desperately wants live for us.  But when we sacrifice our entire person "for Him", He is pleased.

I pray that as I live each day, moving forward in what He asks of me, that I will do it "for Him", that He will continue working in me and that some day I will hear Him call me His good and faithful servant.  I know one thing for sure...He will heal my heart because His sacrifice was for me, all of me.

-In Love, Staci